Note from Crystal: Mandi asked me if she could blog through my new book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode. She’ll be sharing one post per chapter per month. I know many of you are reading through the book right now and I thought you’d enjoy hearing her thoughts — and joining in the discussion to share your thoughts, as well.
Guest post by Mandi Ehman from Life Your Way
My one word for 2014 is LIVE.
Like Crystal, I’ve spent many years building a business, saying yes to every opportunity and making sacrifices. While many of those choices have been worth it, since it allows our family to live and work from home together and gives us plenty of flexibility for traveling, etc., I’ve realized that somewhere along the way I decided that being busy and productive was the ultimate goal.
In short, I’ve accepted the Survival Mode mindset and made it my own, and I’ve let the best things in life — reading with the girls, cooking together, saying yes to an impromptu play date or coffee date — get pushed aside.
After taking two months off for maternity leave after the birth of our fifth baby, January was a month of new beginnings — a chance create new habits and get back into the groove of working without falling into all of those bad habits once again.
When Say Goodbye to Survival Mode arrived (I was fortunate to get a preview copy at the beginning of January!), I knew it would become my manual this year as I discover what it’s like to homeschool with a baby in our home (our four girls were born within five years, so I’ve never had to juggle school and a baby before!) and as I look for ways to continue doing my job (which I love and which supports our family) without letting it become the focus of my life.
I read it straight through the week it arrived but decided that I wanted to work through it one chapter at a time this year — along with Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford and Notes from a Blue Bike by Tsh Oxenreider — to create a life of abundance rather than one characterized by stress.
Stop Trying to Do It All
This month, I started with the first chapter from Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: Stop Trying to Do It All.
The truth is I’m pretty good at saying no…to all of the wrong things. I say no to playing games, to going on field trips, to spending quality time with the people who are most important to me, all while saying yes to the tyranny of the urgent: emails demanding my attention, yet another business idea, self-imposed deadlines, exhaustion, etc.
In order to make time for the important stuff, though, I first have to learn to say no to the rest of the things that divide my attention and steal my time.
The hard part is that many of those things are good things themselves; but they’re not the best things.
The Four C’s to Creating Margin
To help us differentiate between the two and make time for the things that really matter, in her book, Crystal offers The Four C’s to Creating Margin, which I have been practicing this month:
Create a Personal Priorities List
My personal priorities in 2014 are to:
- Be consistent about daily Bible study and prayer to start each day. {I joined a GoodMorningGirls.org group this month, and so far I love the study and the accountability.}
- Spend quality time with my children, not just quantity time. {I am recommitting myself to looking them in the eyes when they talk to me, playing games together, snuggling on the couch with our read alouds, looking for opportunities for one-on-one outings and inviting them into the kitchen to cook with me.}
- Refocus my business and spend time on the things that directly impact my vision rather than time wasters. {More on this below.}
- Make time for connecting with my husband, not just living life side-by-side. {I’m not a fan of the date night myth, but I do think a strong marriage takes work!}
- Cultivate local friendships. {Say yes to invitations more, which I can only do if I keep my work stress in check.}
Clear the Schedule Clutter
“Just because we are spinning our wheels, rushing from one commitment to the next, doesn’t necessarily mean that we are doing anything worthwhile.”
These words from Crystal cut straight to the chase and made me take a hard look at where I spend my time. What I realized was that I create a lot of extra work for myself.
You see, my desire for excellence in my work can border on perfectionism, and I’ve had to practice taking a step back and reevaluating the way I do things. What I’ve realized is that too often I do things the hard way in my quest for excellence when really no one else will notice and I’m just making more work for myself.
Cut Out Time and Energy Suckers
We all have time and energy suckers in our life, and I am no exception. While I love Facebook for staying connected to friends and family, it’s too easy to get sucked down a rabbit trail. I know I’m not alone in suddenly realizing that I’m spending time reading someone’s profile that I don’t even know just because I’m being nosy.
In addition, when I’m tired or overwhelmed, it’s easy for me to get sucked into the internet vortex (not to be confused with the time I actually set aside to read articles and blog posts, which I consider a fun and important part of my job!). I end up just clicking around aimlessly, and the more I do it, the worse I feel.
Acknowledging my tendency to do these things is at least half the battle, but I’m also consciously practicing closing the window or — better yet, getting up from the computer altogether — when I find myself doing one or the other so that I can reset my focus.
Count the Costs
And finally, in order to make time for social activities, field trips, coffee dates with friends, etc., I’ve had to count the cost of each and every commitment:
Taking on an extra project means eliminating the time in my week that I could use for an outing instead. Saying yes to X means saying no to Y. Every decision in life is like that — we only have so many hours to work with each day, after all — and it’s simply a matter of acknowledging what the cost is before you make the decision so that you know you’re truly choosing the best.
Get Practical
This chapter’s Get Practical tip is easier in theory than it is in practice, but it’s worth the effort: Practice saying no.
While I don’t need to practice saying no to social activities (since one of my goals in 2014 is to actually say yes to more of those), I do need to practice controlling my daily commitments and expectations when it comes to my to-do list, so I’ve been taking Crystal’s advice to “immediately eliminate three things from [my] list” seriously.
I love this practice because it acknowledges that my want-to list is longer than practical and helps me prioritize what I can actually get done in a day right from the start.
Sometimes I move things to later in the week…and sometimes I decide they just don’t need to be done at all!
Next Month…
In January, I focused on saying no and being realistic about the amount of time I actually have, and in February I’ll be moving on to Chapter 2 — Say Good Say Yes to the Best and practicing that very important skill. I’m looking forward to sharing my successes {and failures} with you next month!
Are you reading Say Goodbye to Survival Mode? What were your takeaways and thoughts from chapter one?
Mandi Ehman is an entrepreneur, online publisher and author who is passionate about encouraging other women to live intentionally. She’s the blogger behind Life Your Way, the author of Easy Homemade and the founder of BundleoftheWeek.com. Mandi and her husband have four spunky little girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia.
The post Why You Should Stop Trying to Do It All {Chapter 1} appeared first on Money Saving Mom®.
A testimony from Jessica
Our "We Paid Cash" victory this past year came in the form of a baby!
I know, it’s a little odd for a “We Paid Cash” story, but as many other moms know, having a baby can be expensive! With no health insurance, and as a stay-at-home mom, we knew from the beginning that our 4th baby would be a stretch for us financially.
We were able to utilize a health discount program available in our state, with the only contingency being that all fees (doctor, hospital, lab work, etc.) were paid in advance. This meant that we needed to come up with roughly $5000 for my 4th c-section, in just 9 months, on an already very tight budget!
Here's how we did it:
We continued to stick to our budget.
We worked hard at keeping our eating-out down, our spending minimal, and our grocery bill at $350/month for our family of 5.
I did a lot of freezer cooking and stock piled great deals from my local grocery stores.
I sold stuff.
I sold old books and children's clothing on Craigslist and eBay. While it didn't amount to a ton, it was something!
My husband took on extra jobs.
My husband was able to perform about 2 weddings each month. This money went straight to the hospital, and also gave us some built-in date nights as we celebrated with the lovely couples getting married!
Swagbucks.
I used Swagbucks to earn Amazon gift cards to pay for diapers, which freed up my diaper budget to go towards the new baby.
We sold our second car.
With my husband working 5 minutes from home, and with me homeschooling our children, we figured we didn't presently need to be a two-car family.
This sale gave us cash in hand, as well as cut our monthly car insurance bill by $25.
My husband sold a guitar.
Sigh. This one was a little harder… BUT, the day after he decided he would sell his guitar to help pay for the baby, he was gifted another one that he really loves!
By the time our fourth child was born, we had paid off the doctor, the surgical assistant, the anesthesiologist, the hospital, all lab fees, two unexpected hospital visits, and the pediatrician!
The financial freedom after our little Levi was born was SO nice, and now we get to enjoy and love on the very best thing we could've ever "paid cash" for… our son!
Jessica is a wife and homeschooling mom of four children under 7. She blogs regularly about parenting, homeschooling, crafts, DIY, and yummy recipes at Mothering With Creativity.
Have you saved up and paid cash for something — large or small? Submit your story for possible publication here.
The post We Paid Cash: Our Baby Boy’s Delivery appeared first on Money Saving Mom®.
