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5 Tips For When You Can’t Stop Spending

Guest post from Ashlee of Mom Life Together:

My family keeps close track of our finances. We tithe. We save for our daughter’s education, our retirement and other future expenses. Except for our home, we make every purchase is in cash. In short, we do almost almost everything “right.”

The biggest factor in my financial health is not being able to do all the items listed above… it’s the spending that occurs when I am not emotionally or spiritually healthy.

When too many Amazon boxes show up at our door, my husband will ask why I am upset. It’s obvious to both us that when there is a hole in one area of my life, I try to fill it with new things. Instead of dealing with the issues, I turn to shopping.

Through my journey I have learned a few ways to deal with the hurt/spend connection.

1. Have a written budget.

It’s so important to have a plan for your money. We are fortunate enough that our monthly budget includes a small fund for each family member to use for whatever he or she might need/want. This fund allows me to make extra purchases in moderation. Therefore, I don’t feel deprived or controlled by the budget.

We also have separate categories for items like clothing. I won’t even venture into certain stores if I haven’t saved enough to make a purchase. I am more likely to look at discount or thrift stores so I am not tempted to overspend.

2. Talk to someone about how you are feeling.

I tend to shop more when I’m holding something inside and not letting my feelings come to the surface. I feel less alone and more likely to seek out healthier methods of coping when I can talk to someone — my spouse, a friend, or another support person.

3. Find other activities you enjoy.

One reason I started blogging was because I found myself clicking on promotional emails and shopping whenever I got online. Now, when I get on my computer I have a stronger desire to write than to shop.

I’ve also noticed that my friends and I tend to shop when we get some kid free time. Of course it’s always easier to do the grocery shopping or other errands with that time. However, it’s also easier to go to department or big box stores, too.

Coffee shops have become my favorite kid-free time destination too. Yes, this does involve spending some money, but a $3 coffee fits in my budget a lot easier than a $100+ Target trip!

4. Don’t actually make a purchase.

NOTE: I only recommend this if you have a lot of self control!

Sometimes I enjoy just looking at my favorite websites to see what is available. I will put items in my cart that I never intend to purchase. However, you should know that in a few days you will probably start to receive emails with extra discounts to motivate you to complete your purchase.

5. Find the real solution.

All of the ideas above are just coping mechanisms for over-spending. You need to work on whatever heart issue you are experiencing to really make progress.

Spend time with God, reflecting on the hurt and seek the appropriate help.

If shopping has become an addiction for you (much like drugs or alcohol) it is important that you take your healing journey seriously.

You can be doing all the “right” things financially and on paper but if you are have a hurt that is leading you to overspend, you will never fully achieve financial health without finding a real solution.

Ashlee writes at Mom Life Together. Her hope is that all mothers will find a safe place to share authentically about their journeys without the fear of judgement.

photo source

How I Overcame My Fear of Hospitality

(Note: This post was sponsored by (in)courage. All opinions are my own. Read our disclosure policy here.)

I used to be so scared to invite people into my home. I didn’t think I was any good at hospitality.

In fact, I told myself for a long time that I'm an introverted person who is a homebody and who doesn't host things or initiate. I had convinced myself that hosting and initiating weren't my gifts or my personality.

It was safer to wait to let other people do the inviting. It was safer to convince myself I wasn’t the type to step out, step up, initiate, or lead.

But all that changed when I read Just Open the Door by Jen Schmidt. It’s a book written specifically for people like me who feel so awkward about the whole hospitality thing.

If you feel like you aren’t a good cook or you think your house isn’t nice enough or you don’t feel like you’re organized enough or you think you don’t have room to host people or a dozen other excuses… and yet you are also craving deep community and authentic relationships, this book is for you.

Just Open the Door will show you that no matter the size of your home or your budget and no matter your current season of life, there is a way to show hospitality. And, you’ll learn just how big of an impact opening your home and door and life can have — not just in other’s lives, not just in your kids’ lives, but in your own heart and life.

That has definitely been true for me! Let me tell you a little about it…

The Big Commitment I Made in 2018

After reading a pre-release copy of Just Open the Door in December of 2017, I felt stirred to step way outside my comfort zone and commit to opening up our home every single week in 2018.

I had no idea how that was going to transform my life!

Just for fun, I counted up and, since January 1, we have hosted at least 135 people in our home and have opened up our home at least 22 different times! All of that in three months — and we moved during that time period, too!

(And that doesn't count the many lunches and coffees and dinners we've initiated or said yes to or initiated with new friends that didn't happen at our house!)

Some of these were people we knew well. Some we had never met before. But in every case, I didn't regret opening up our door and saying, "Come as you are."

I've fostered many new and beautiful relationships. I've deepened old relationships. I've learned a lot of new hospitality tips and tricks… and had some funny and memorable fails.

Hospitality Can Look Like Many Different Things

I'm learning that when I start looking for opportunities to exercise hospitality, I begin to see them all around me.

So far, it’s looked like:

Having my mom and sister stay with us while Jesse was in Peru
Taking my daughter and her friend out window shopping
Inviting a number of different friends to coffee and/or lunch while our kids are at school
Having a friend over for tea
Planning a sleepover for my daughter and some of her closest friends
Inviting my blog readers and Instagram followers (most that I had never met!) to come over for a ladies’ get-together
Ordering pizza and asking friends to come over and join us
Letting my kids invite their friends over for a playdate
Inviting friends we’ve known for awhile over for dinner
Offering to babysit for friends so they can have a date
Coordinating a dinner out with new friends
Asking new friends over for dinner
Inviting my Discipleship Small Group to come over after dinner
Hosting our Community Group
Volunteering to open our home to host a get-together someone was planning
Hosting a birthday party
Inviting friends with kids the same ages as my kids over to play for the afternoon

For you, it might look completely different. But no matter your stage or circumstance or season of life, there is a way that you can reach out and open your door — even if it’s just opening up the door of your heart by inviting friends to have a picnic at the park or inviting a friend to join you for a walk (see more of my ideas for Hospitality on a Budget here).

You Don’t Have to Be a Great Cook to Be Hospitable!

I've discovered that I don't have to be a great cook or decorator or party planner to be great at welcoming people into our home. Some nights, I didn't have time to offer much more than takeout pizza or a simple crockpot meal. But we still had a great evening!

As I’m learning, hospitality isn't about the food you serve or the home you have or the table decor or the seating arrangement, it's about opening the door and welcoming people into your real, imperfect life.

It's about letting people know that they are seen, heard, cared for, and loved. It's about just opening your door!

I'm learning that it begins with a simple willingness to say yes and go first. To be the one to get brave and say, "Hey, I don't know you very well, but would you like to grab coffee with me?"

OR, "I know you don't know me that well, but you just moved here and don't have a lot of support. Can I babysit your kids so you could have a date night with your husband?"

OR, "My daughter is loving getting to know your daughter at school. Could I pick her up to come over to our house for the afternoon after school?"

Be Willing to Go First & Be the Initiator

The more that I open up my door, the more that I want to open it up. And the more I'm realizing how much THIS is where real relationships and community develops.

You have to experience the awkward in friendship in order to experience the awesome in friendship.

You have to be willing to take risks. To not wait for an invite, but to be the initiator. To be okay if someone says no or a relationship doesn't turn out like you hoped.

Those seeds of friendship, when watered and nurtured and fostered and tended to, will grow into a least some strong relationships and friendships. It’s so worth the effort!

Stop Feeling Awkward About Hospitality

Because of how much Just Open The Door has changed my life and changed me as a person, so many of you have asked me how you can get your hands on this book. I am thrilled to let you know that is comes out next week (April 10, 2018) and it’s currently available for pre-order!

This book is SO encouraging for those fearful of hospitality and hosting. It shows you how hospitality is so much more than a physical space and starts with simply opening up your heart to let people in.

It gives you practical ways to open up your door and show hospitality — even when you feel like your home is too small or you can’t afford to prepare a fancy four-course meal.

Here’s more about the book from the description:

For many of us, inviting people into our lives and homes feels more like inviting judgment on our entertaining skills and stress on our already maxed-out schedules. But what if you knew that opening your front door had the power to radically change the world? To make an impact and leave a legacy with everyday invitations?
Jen Schmidt has set out to reframe how we think about hospitality and to equip us to walk a road of welcome in our daily lives. Jen knows that every time we choose open-door living—whether in our homes or by taking hospitality on the road just like Jesus—those we invite in get to experience the lived-out Gospel, our kids grow up in a life-lab of generosity, and we trade insecurity for connection.
Just Open the Door is a personal yes-you-can guide to offering the life-changing gift of invitation. Whether you're a seasoned host looking for renewed inspiration or a nervous newbie not sure where to begin, these personal stories, practical ideas, and poignant insights will give you the confidence you need to see your home as the most likely location for changing the world around you, one open door at a time.

Pre-Order Just Open The Door for FREE Bonuses!

The best part is that when you pre-order the Just Open The Door book, you’ll receive access to three FREE bonuses:

Immediate digital access to the first 7 chapters of the book to read right away!
Download of a beautiful printable for your home (pictured above).
A DaySpring coupon code for $10 off any order (a great freebie, because they have many items priced at or under $10!)

Just pre-order the book at Amazon or other participating online retailer and then fill out the form on this page to get your FREE bonuses.