This man. There are no words to describe how much I love him.
In January of 2015, I went to South Africa with Lisa-Jo to investigate the work here. I thought I was going so that I could see the playground, the water point, and the community garden that our blogs had fundraised for.
I had no idea that I was going to fall madly in love with this country and come back home with a longterm dream and vision of how our business and family could come alongside and support the work of Take Action Ministry.
But that’s what happened. And it was pretty overwhelming and exciting all at once.
When I got back home, I proposed to Jesse that we would fund the operational expenses of the ministry out of our personal budget.
Even though he hadn’t traveled to South Africa with me (yet!), even though he hadn’t met the wonderful folks from Take Action Ministry (yet!), and even though he hadn’t experienced any of the amazing experiences I had or seen anything firsthand, he didn’t bat an eye.
He did the math, rearranged our budget, and said, “I’m all in!”
He has supported me in this crazy dream that God has given me ever since then. However, this is no longer just my dream and my thing. South Africa has become our family’s calling.
Getting to go with my family last October and having Jesse and the kids fall in love, too, was one of the greatest experiences of my life. My friends in South Africa became their friends. My love for South Africa became their love. My strong and burning passion to make a difference in this country became their passion, too.
13 1/2 years ago, I walked down the aisle to the song, Household of Faith. We chose that song because that was our heart’s desire. We wanted our marriage to be a testament to the world of what God can do through two individuals who are fully and wholly sold out to Him, seeking to love others well and give our lives away.
Here we are at the start committing to each other
By His word and from our hearts
We will be a family in a house that will be a home
And with faith we’ll build it strong
We’ll build a household of faith
That together we can make
And when the strong winds blow it won’t fall down
As one in Him we’ll grow and the whole world will know
We are a household of faith
Now to be a family we’ve got to love each other
At any cost unselfishly
And our home must be a place that fully abounds with grace
A reflection of His face
We’ll build a household of faith
That together we can make
And when the strong winds blow it won’t fall down
As one in Him we’ll grow and the whole world will know
We are a household of faith
We had big dreams and ideals of how that was going to look and how we thought God was going to use us. I can tell you, assuredly, that our lives today look nothing like we pictured.
Without any shadow of doubt, marriage and life has been much harder but sweeter and more stretching but richer than we could have ever dreamed.
We’ve experienced high highs and low lows together. We’ve been humbled. We’ve stumbled along. We’ve made many mistakes. We’ve struggled together. We’ve grown. We’ve matured. And, by God’s grace alone, we’ve fought through — even during the many dark and rough patches.
This life right in front of us, this is our happily ever after. Truthfully, it doesn’t look a thing like our wedding day dreams and hopes. Some days, it doesn’t feel happy. Some days, we fight and get irritated at each other. Some days — like this morning — we have to ask forgiveness of each other before the sun is even up!
But we’re in this together. This is the life God has called us to. It’s much bigger and scarier than our wildest dreams. And, looking back, I see how God was preparing us for life that was much different than the life we set out to lead.
And it’s been a beautiful journey — even on the rocky, rough days.
On our recent trip to South Africa, my heart felt like it might burst as I watched Jesse hold and play with the children, interact with the local leaders, encourage those who are ministering here, savor the sights and tastes and smells of this country, strategize with others about how to make more of an impact, celebrate what God has been doing here, and weep over how overwhelmed he is by the opportunity we have to make a difference.
I feel so beyond blessed that I get to do life with this man. He is my best friend, my teammate, my lover, my cheerleader, my counsellor, and my ever faithful husband.
Thank you, Jesse, for loving me even on the (many) days when I don’t deserve that love. Thank you for serving our family so sacrificially. Thank you for walking this crazy, beautiful road with me. Thank you for continuing to fight through — even on the difficult days. I love you!
An Important Note: For those of you reading this who are struggling in your marriage, or who are in the middle of a messy divorce, or whose spouse has left you, or who would love to be married, or who long to have a good marriage but feel like that’s never, ever going to be the reality, please know that my heart hurts for you.
Know that I hesitated even sharing this post because the last thing I want to do is heap more hurt or shame or guilt or disappointment on you.
This post is not about how we’ve done things right. Trust me, we’ve had some really ugly, messy days and it’s a miracle we are still together and that we love each other like we do. But I wanted to share this personal post because I thought it might encourage some of you out there.
If you are struggling in your marriage, feeling incredibly lonely because you aren’t married and would love to be, feeling wounded and hurt broken because of past relationships, or whatever other heavy burdens you’re carrying as it relates to marriage, would you leave a comment on this post or shoot me an email? I’d be honored to pray for healing, for hope, for restoration for you.
