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Ask Crystal: How do I get my spouse on board with budgeting?

Ask Crystal: How do I get my spouse on board with budgeting?

Every Thursday in 2025, I’ll be answering a question on money and/or budgeting. If you have a question you’d love for me to answer in an upcoming post, please submit it here.

Today’s question is one that I hear often:

“How do I get my spouse on board with budgeting?” -K

When my husband and I first got married, we quickly realized we had very different approaches and perspectives when it came to money. Even though we were both raised by financially conservative parents and had countless pre-wedding discussions about finances, we still came into marriage with priorities that didn’t align.

Jesse is naturally a spender. I’m naturally a saver. He likes to buy name brand and quality items. I like to buy whatever is on sale/the least expensive option that will get the job done (and if there’s a way for us to do it ourselves or to use what we already have, that’s even better!).

He likes to really take his time and thoroughly research things from all angles before making a decision. I’m a much faster decision maker (my mantra has sometimes been, “Better to have made a decision, even if it’s the wrong decision, then to still be pondering your options!).

How to Get Your Spouse on Board with Budgeting

If you’re struggling to get your spouse on board with budgeting or finding it challenging to get your priorities and values to align, let me start by saying: You’re not alone. Most couples enter marriage with differing ideas about how to handle money — and that’s not necessarily a bad thing!

Here’s how we’ve worked through our differences and found unity in our financial journey:

1. Accept That You Are Different

You didn’t marry your clone — and that’s a good thing! You need someone who complements you, and part of that includes having different perspectives on money. Rather than trying to change your spouse or make them just like you, embrace their differences.

Early in our marriage, I made the mistake of trying to “fix” what I felt like were my husband’s more “extravagant tendencies” (at least they felt extravagant by my frugal standards!). But over time, I learned that my husband’s approach to finances wasn’t wrong; it was just different.

Trying to force him to adopt my mindset only created tension. Instead, I began to appreciate what he brought to the table, which allowed us to work as a team rather than against each other.

I now see that there is often value in buying higher quality, even if it’s a bit of a higher price tag because it may work much better or last much longer and end up saving us hassle and headache and money in the long run!

2. Learn to Appreciate the Differences

Initially, there was so much frustration in our relationship over the constant push and pull of our spender/saver tendencies. Over time, as we learned to appreciate our differences and see value in what the other person brings to the table, it has caused us to deepen our gratitude for one another.

My husband has learned to appreciate the benefits of thriftiness and even enjoys hunting for deals now (sometimes outdoing me!). On the flip side, he’s helped me loosen up and see the value of making financial decisions based on return on investment rather than just cost.

And yes, we still sometimes don’t see eye-to-eye on things but we’ve learned (usually!) to stop and listen to what the other person is saying, hear where they are coming from, and take time to find common ground and a way to compromise (see the next step).

Instead of focusing on the ways your spouse’s financial habits frustrate you, try to see how their perspective can balance yours. Together, you can create a stronger, more balanced financial strategy than either of you could on your own.

3. Communicate and Compromise

One of the biggest keys to getting on the same page financially is to learn how to communicate effectively and be willing to compromise. This starts with having simple, non-accusatory conversations where you are just curiously learning about your spouse.

Some ideas of questions to ask to help you have conversations around finances:

How did your parents handle money growing up?
What parts of handling money do you enjoy?
What things do you find stressful and frustrating about handling money?
Are there any worries or concerns you have for our finances right now or in the future?
Do you have any dreams of where you’d love to be financially in the future?

You could also ask your spouse to go through the questions in our Women and Money survey and share your answers and hear theirs. This might be really insightful!

If you and your spouse struggle to have productive conversations about money, I recommend asking your spouse if they would be open to having monthly Money Meetings. These are agenda-free meetings where the goal is just to review your financial situation, discuss goals, and talk about where you are financially. It’s important that these meetings are a two-way street. Neither spouse should dominate the discussion or try to force their ideas on the other. Instead, approach it as a team effort with open and respectful communication.

The ultimate long-term goal of these meetings would be to create a budget that you both feel on board with and to use these meetings to review the budget. But start small with non-judgmental conversations around money where you just open up and share and hear your spouse. This can be a huge step in getting on the same page financially and building trust in one another.

Here’s a pro tip: When presenting your concerns, frame them in terms of how you’ve been feeling rather than placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “You spend too much money,” try, “I’ve been feeling stressed about our financial situation and want to talk about ways we can improve it together.” This approach invites collaboration rather than defensiveness.

4. Set Shared Goals

Budgeting works best when it’s not just your plan but a shared vision with anyone you share the budget with. If you’re married, that means yours spouse.

Sit down with your spouse and talk about what you both want for your family’s future. Whether it’s becoming debt-free, saving for a dream vacation, or building an emergency fund, having mutual goals can create a sense of purpose and motivation.

Once you’ve agreed on your goals, break them down into actionable steps and track your progress together. Celebrate milestones along the way to keep the momentum going.

Note: If you need help setting up a budget or setting financial goals together, download my free budget tracker worksheets and financial goal-planning worksheets — they can help you walk through this process together.

5. Give Grace and Breathing Room

In most marriages, there’s one spender and one saver. That’s certainly true in ours, but instead of letting our differences cause constant conflict, after a lot of work and effort, we’ve found ways that help us honor the way we are each wired.

For example, we’ve agreed on a “blow” category in our budget — a set amount of money each month that we can spend however we’d like without guilt or scrutiny. This simple compromise has saved us from countless arguments and made budgeting work better for both of our personalities.

Remember that no one is perfect, and there will be times when you or your spouse makes a financial mistake. Choose to focus on progress rather than perfection, and always extend grace.

Getting on the same page with your spouse will take time and effort. It will require a willingness to compromise. And most importantly, it will only happen if you are willing to listen, appreciate your differences, and believe the best about your spouse.

Building a budget together isn’t just about managing money; it’s about creating unity in your marriage. By accepting each other’s differences, communicating openly, compromising, and working toward shared goals, you can turn budgeting into a tool that strengthens your relationship rather than a source of conflict. Remember: It’s not about being perfect; it’s about making progress together.

In the long run, you will both be better for it and your marriage and financial future will be stronger because of the effort you invested in it!