A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about our Christmas plans. I was sharing how we like to keep Christmas simple and that we don’t do things like give our kids a lot of gifts, go to a lot of Christmas events, give gifts to almost everyone we know, make lots and lots of Christmas treats, send out Christmas cards, or do Elf on the Shelf.
This friend was pretty shocked and almost immediately responded, “You’re such a SCROOGE!!”
Yes, maybe I am. But the truth is, the thought of running ourselves like crazy all during December just so we can “make more memories” feels like the exact opposite of making this “the most wonderful time of the year!”
I know that this friend was mostly just joking, but I have to admit that the comment made me want to defend myself. I wanted to say things like, “But you don’t understand! We DO celebrate Christmas! We really do! And it’s fun and memory-filled and wonderful!”
But for the next few days, instead of just brushing off the Scrooge comment and going back to my simple December, the conversation haunted me.
I started to feel guilt seeping in.
Maybe I’m not doing enough.
Maybe we’re not celebrating Christmas right.
Maybe we should add some more activities or events or gifts or decorations to our to do list.
Maybe I’m saying I want to celebrate a simple Christmas but it’s really just because I’m sort of lazy.
And on and on the thoughts in my brain went.
Instead of staying there stuck in Mommy Guilt, I decided to ask my family for their perspective. So, while driving in the car together one night right after Thanksgiving, I broached the subject:
“Hey guys! I wanted to ask for your opinion on something. Can you tell me honestly what you think about how we celebrated Christmas? What are some traditions you love? Are there things you wish we would do that we don’t do?”
I braced myself for their responses. I was kind of scared as to what sort of Pandora’s Box I was opening, but I really wanted to know the truth.
And I knew that asking my kids was the best way to find out what they really think… because those of you who know my kids personally, you know that honesty is very important to them and they are not ones to sugarcoat how they actually feel about things (which I’m so grateful for — most of the time!!).
Well, their responses shocked me!
“Mom! I LOVE how we do Christmas!”
“I love our stocking tradition!”
“I love that we do things a little differently every year!”
“I love that we focus on making memories as a family!”
And on and on it went. I started to get a little braver and ask them specific questions about specific ways we could celebrate or other ideas of things we could do.
{Helping decorate the tree at Grandma & Grandpa’s house last year!}
I quickly realized that the events and activities and gifts weren’t what was important to them. Instead, they wanted to keep on with our few simple traditions:
- The Kids Decorating the House — Yes, for the past two years, our kids have put up all the Christmas decorations. They think it is the coolest thing ever, they actually do a really good job of it, and they not letting us see things until it’s all finished and then getting to surprise us with the finished look.
- Our Advent Countdowns — We have a few Advent Countdowns that they love to use — a chalkboard countdown and a felt wallhanging countdown. First thing in the morning, whoever gets up first gets to mark off the chalkboard and move the felt heart in the wallhanging countdown.
- Christmas Movies — We love to watch Christmas movies as a family together. Each year, we try to find at least a few new ones and also enjoy a few of our old favorites, too. Their favorite thing is for us to all get on our PJs, make some hot cocoa, and snuggle up with blankets and watch a movie before bed.
- Christmas Books From the Library — I already told you recently how much we love Christmas Picture books! This is one tradition I hope my kids never grow out of… though I’m guessing they eventually will! 🙁
- Christmas Lights & Hot Cocoa — We research the best Christmas light displays and then take one evening to go check them out. This is best done with PJs on and warm cups of hot cocoa! (This year, we got matching footie PJs and the kids have already declared that everyone must wear theirs for our Christmas Lights viewing evening — including Mom & Dad!)
- Gingerbread House — We always get a Gingerbread House kit and make it together. Some years are more successful than others. This year, the kit was kind of a bust. But the kids still had fun trying to put it together — even if it was not cooperating very well.
- Ice Skating Show — Kaitlynn participates in a Christmas Ice Skating Show every year and it’s a big highlight. Not only is it so fun to get to see her performing on ice without the stress of a competition, but it’s an amazing opportunity to get to see other really talented figure skaters!
- Dollar Store Stockings — This is one of our family’s favorite traditions! We all go to the Dollar Store right before Christmas and everyone gets $6 to spend to buy one item per person (+ tax) for their stocking. We have so much fun trying to split up, hide our purchases, find something creative that no one else would come up with, and pick gifts that people would really love.
- One Big Giving Project — We choose a giving project to all raise money for during the month of December. The kids do this by doing extra chores or giving some of their money they’ve saved up throughout the year. And then we come up with other ideas of areas we can cut back on so we can add more money to the Giving Project bucket. It’s so much fun and it’s a great way to put our focus on other people rather than ourselves.
Each of these are very simple ideas. They don’t require a lot of extra effort ahead of time. They don’t cost much money. But they are things we all love to enjoy together.
This is the stuff that memories are made of in our house. It works for us. And I’m going to celebrate that — without any Mommy Guilt!
And I issue the same encouragement to you, mamas: You can celebrate however you want to celebrate.
This is not a post knocking Elf on the Shelf or Christmas Cards or making all your handmade gifts or giving lots of gifts or putting up lots of decorations or participating in lots of activities in December. If those things are your jam, please, by all means, DO THEM.
But if you’re feeling guilty that you’re not doing enough, STOP.
Step back and really ask yourself, “Why am I feeling guilty?” Is it because I think we need to “do Christmas like other people do” or because you don’t want to be seen as the Slacker Mom?
Do what works for your own family. Do what is special and memorable for your own kids. Do what works for your schedule and capacity.
And don’t apologize if it looks very different from how another family celebrates Christmas.
After all, kids survived for hundreds of years without an Elf on the Shelf. I think you’ll be okay! 🙂
P.S. Read last year’s post on Why We Simplified Christmas.
