One of the things I’ve struggled with most in life has been anxiety. I’ve had anxiety over new situations, anxiety over the unknown, anxiety over what other people will think of me, anxiety over failure, anxiety over abandonment, anxiety over not measuring up, anxiety over rejection… and on and on the list goes. To make matters worse, I’ve even had anxiety over my acute anxiety.
Many times, I’ve wished this wasn’t my story. I’ve wished I could be one of those people who just didn’t care about what other people thought, who loved new situations, who loved meeting new people, who let things roll off their back, and who didn’t spend hours of every week sick to their stomach with heart-palpitations and shortness of breath because of anxiety.
Starting a blog and being on social media has opened up many doors for me. It’s been an amazing journey for me — far beyond my wildest imaginations or dreams. And it’s given me literally thousands of opportunities to have to come face-to-face with my fears.
There are so many days when it would be easier to not share my words with the world, to not get on Periscope or Facebook Live, and to say “no” to opportunities that I know in my heart I should say “yes” to. It would be safe. It would be comfortable. And it would be {mostly} free from criticism.
But it would also mean I’d miss out on so much. I wouldn’t have built the beautiful relationships I have with other bloggers and readers. I wouldn’t get to hear your amazing stories. I wouldn’t get to work alongside my husband. I wouldn’t get to make a difference in South Africa. I wouldn’t get to inspire other women to use their gifts and skills to impact the world.
And most importantly, I wouldn’t have ever moved past the debilitating fear and into whole-hearted living.
{See all those empty seats? Those are a great way to make a speaker feel like a failure before she even steps foot on stage!}
I had to face those anxiety-inducing situations — like live video, speaking opportunities, media opportunities, live coaching, meeting with company executives, critical comments — and I’ve had to push past the fear and keep going. Because it was either fight through or flee.
Even when I wanted to run away, I made myself stay and punch fear in the face. Trust me, that sounds more noble than it’s often been.
Some days, I felt like I didn’t even have the courage to turn on the camera or leave my hotel room or pick up the phone and dial that number. I’m often literally visibly shaking and sweating.
But I’ve learned that the more I face my fears, the more I confront the anxiety, the less I focus on myself, and the more I believe the truth and replace the lies with truth, the more I experience joy from these experiences.
These 3 strategies have helped me push through the fear and anxiety and experience joy, fulfillment, and (yes!) even confidence:
1. Say Yes and Do it Scared
You have to be willing to accept that opportunity, even if you are scared to do it. Maybe, for you, it is hitting publish on a blog post or going live on Facebook Live video. It could be that you are scared of talking to the new person you've never met or volunteering for something at church.
Whatever the opportunity is that causes you fear and anxiety, if you know deep down in your heart it’s something you’re supposed to do, say yes — even if you’re terrified of it. That’s the first step to pushing past fear.
If you never accept any opportunities that scare you, you’ll never know the exhilarating feeling that comes from punching fear in the face. Say yes and do it scared!
2. Remind Yourself of the Truth
It's so easy to let fear consume you after you have said, "yes." You start to feel anxious about the situation and wonder if you are good enough or if you will fail. When those lies start swimming around in your brain, remind yourself of the truth.
When you tell yourself lies for long enough, you start to believe them. Then, you start living under those lies so when you show up for the opportunity, you feel awkward and insecure. It’s time to reverse this trend!
The best way to develop confidence is to stop the negative messaging and replace it with positive truth. Instead of feeling like you don’t belong or you don’t have what it takes or you’re not enough, begin telling yourself the truth. Maybe you don’t feel it right now, but the more you tell yourself the truth, the more you will begin to believe it and live under it.
3. Fake Confidence Until You Feel It
This trick has been the thing that has helped me the most. When I go to step on a stage or go on live camera or walk into a situation that I know will cause me to feel anxious, I always rehearse the first two sentences of what I'm going to say in my head.
I will often visualize it and rehearse it multiple times. I sometimes practice how I’m going to say it, the voice inflections I’ll use, where I’ll stand, the hand motions I’ll use, and the confidence I’m going to fake.
Yes, I said fake. Because I’ve discovered that the more I fake confidence in the beginning, the more I actually start to feel it and live out of it. If you can fake it in those first few seconds, then a lot of times, you get over your fear and begin to actually FEEL confident. It’s amazing what a difference this has made for me!
What helps you push through fear and anxiety? I’d love to hear!
P.S. Need some extra encouragement? I highly recommend the book, Presence, by Amy Cuddy. I also encourage you to watch my YouTube video on How I Stopped Feeling Like I Wasn’t Good Enough.
