Guest post from Erin of The No Drama Mama
Sometimes we learn what not to do from our parents…
My mother was a loving and generous person who also happened to be a hoarder with a shopping addiction. For most of my childhood, our small 1,100 square foot house was jam-packed with stuff, most of which never left the shopping bags it came home in.
I’m confident that my decision to be a frugal adult is an attempt to regain control of an out-of-control childhood home-life. And while not all of us have issues with hoarding or a shopping addiction, we are all susceptible to the symptoms.
Here are 9 frugal lessons we can learn from hoarders… in a special “what not to do” tutorial!
1. Don’t Value Stuff More Than People
People can hurt us, break promises, and disappoint us. It can seem easier to find happiness in inanimate objects which couldn't possibly hurt us… could they?
Yes!
When we use stuff as an insulating wall to keep people out, we suffer emotionally and are left to chase the "happiness high" of new purchases to cope.
2. Don’t Value Stuff Before Space
Many times when we feel we have a space problem in our homes, what we actually have is a “stuff problem”.
Decluttering, donating, and repurposing puts stuff in its place. We need space to enjoy our lives. Don't let your stuff render your space useless.
When we had our third child, we needed another bedroom — thankfully, decluttering our basement revealed the perfect location for a new master suite!
3. Don’t Fill The Void, Try to Understand It
My mother never recognized or understood the void she was desperately trying to fill with things… and she didn’t realize there was never going to be enough stuff to fill it.
What she really needed was peace, understanding, and resolution from her own childhood trauma.
4. Don’t Neglect to Use It Up
Two or three half empty jars of peanut butter, bottles of shampoo, and boxes full of brand new candles were always in my house growing up.
Shopping addiction is all about the purchasing… once that part is fulfilled, the item quickly loses its luster. The actual utilization became unimportant, as the purpose of stuff was to buy it, not to use it.
This hoarder's daughter became intent on using things up and getting the most out of every container, rinsing out shampoo and laundry bottles, and cutting open toothpaste tubes and scraping the weeks' worth that was left into small containers.
5. Don’t Assume You Know the Price
My mother never looked at price tags. Not surprisingly, she had bad credit.
I never purchase something without knowing how much it costs at multiple locations, without checking the price of new and used conditions, and without making sure it's something we actually need and will use.
6. Don’t Try to Buy Happiness
My mother was a generous gift giver, but oftentimes, the things I really needed from her couldn't be fulfilled by things.
When my mother and I had disagreements, she would often buy me a toy when all I needed was to hear, "I'm sorry." That would have meant so much more than anything she could purchase for me.
She also generously took our friends on vacation with us and picked up the tab for large parties of our extended family at restaurants — all at the expense of her credit and our financial security.
I often wonder if she thought she wasn't worthy of love on her own and that people would turn away if she wasn't constantly giving gifts.
7. Don’t Fall Victim to Brand Blindness
When my mother suffered some vision loss and could no longer drive, I took her shopping every week. It was then that I realized she was not only legally blind, she also spent a lifetime completely blinded by brands.
She was genuinely shocked when I pointed out the generic versions of food and medicines. "Have these always been here?" she asked me.
How often are many of us blinded by brands to the exclusion of the less expensive generic equivalents?
8. Don’t Forget About Your Future
Happiness was a monster and needed to be fed daily with new things. There was no thought about what tomorrow would bring.
Paying bills didn't yield any concrete rewards that could be touched and so they took a backseat (it was a normal for our lights or cable to be shut off!) My mother didn’t even have a retirement account!
How many of us put off saving for later because the lure of that vacation, car or shiny new possession we want to buy today?
9. Don’t Forget to Shop Your Home First
Since most shopping bags were left full on the living room floor, my mother never really knew what we had or didn't have. We ended up with duplicates and triplicates of movies, appliances, and clothing. As a result, I learned to shop at home first before I ever hit the store.
So many times, the item I was so sure we needed was already in our home and I just didn't know it.
There is a lot we can learn from looking at extreme behaviors like shopping addictions and hoarding. My mother inadvertently gave me some amazing frugal skills by giving me a first-hand look at what happens when you seek fulfillment in things.
Erin Johnson a.k.a. The No Drama Mama can be found blogging when she’s not caring for her three adorable kiddos. This frugal, "tell it like it is" mama loves sharing her delightfully imperfect parenting wins and fails.
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