One of my big hopes for 2018 was that I would get brave enough to stop waiting for the invitations, and start being the initiator.
Because of past rejection and insecurities, initiation is outside my comfort zone and there are a lot of fears involved for me. But I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines of community and missing out on beautiful relationships. I'm ready to start reaching out, initiating, and opening the door of my heart and home more — despite the awkwardness and fear that is there for me.
So, with this in mind, I put it out there on the internet the first week of January asking if anyone lived in the Nashville area who was craving community with other women who wanted to live intentionally. If so, I asked them to message me.
The Invitation
I had no idea if I'd hear from anyone at all or maybe a dozen people, but I was excited to see where it led.
Well, guess what? I ended up hearing from at least 100 women!! Because so many women responded, I asked everyone who contacted me to fill out a form to share more details about themselves and had them sign a commitment form, as well. (I did this because I wanted to narrow down the list to people who really wanted to go deep in relationships and were willing to put themselves out there and take initiative, as well.)
Here’s what the commitment statement said:
Yes, I am interested in being part of a community of women who are committed to authentic relationship.
In this spirit I commit to the following:
√ I’m willing to be honest and vulnerable.
√ To go first.
√ To reach out.
√ To trust other women.
√ To not gossip.
√ To keep conversations confidential.
√ To love extravagantly.
√ To believe the best.
√ To listen and ask questions.
√ To be gracious when there are differences of opinion and belief.
√ To show up fully and bravely.
√ To be a safe space for other women.
Of the initial 100+ people who contacted me, 50 women filled out the form! I invited those women to a Come As You Are Night. (I shamelessly stole this idea from the pre-release copy I got to read of Just Open the Door by Jen Schmidt.)
The Email
Here’s part of the email invite I sent out:
Because of the incredible and overwhelming response, my vision for what this is going to look like has changed some. I had initially pictured that maybe 5-10 women might be interested. Instead, there were dozens and dozens and dozens of women who answered my initial post and over 40 of you who filled out the Google form.
I realize that God might have something bigger here than my initial idea of one small gathering of women who meet on a monthly basis; I think maybe He’s opening the door for there to be multiple groups (maybe one hosted by you!) across the Nashville area!
So here’s what I’m thinking: I’d like to invite all of you who signed up on the Google form to a Come As You Are Night on February 9, 2018 at 7 p.m. It’s going to be hosted at XXXX.
Wear your comfy clothes (yoga pants or sweats or whatever you feel comfortable in!), bring a super easy snack or drink (whatever you have on hand or something that’s super simple), and come just as you are — without needing to pretend or perform or please or impress. Just be exactly who are, short-comings and struggles and all. 🙂
We’ll gather and get to know one another and we’ll share our hearts and we’ll talk about community and friendship. And yes, there will be questions and conversation starters that everyone will be asked and I’ll encourage you to share vulnerably with the women who are there. (You filled out the Google form saying you were willing to be authentic and vulnerable and go first so I’m going to hold you all to that! ;))
My desire for this evening is that we’ll all be brave and be willing to share openly and, that by doing so, we’ll find some connections and community with other women. Ultimately, my hope is that we’ll all leave with the names and numbers of at least a few new friends that we will plan to connect with on a deeper level in the weeks and months to come.
And 23 women (most whom I had never met and who had never met each other!) showed up at our house for the first Come As You Are night. These brave women showed up not know what to expect or who was going to be there.
The Agenda
The night was filled laughter, good food, amazing conversations, and incredible openness.
For those who have asked for details on the agenda, I started the evening by sharing my vision to connect women, to encourage women to get to know people in their local area, to encourage women to build authentic community, to be intentional and vulnerable.
I shared how my hope for this night was that people would connect with at least a few women in a deeper way and that they might even leave with the names and contact information of at few women that they would plan to reach out to personally and invite over to their home or invite out to coffee in the next week or two — and maybe that become good friends in the coming months!
I then had everyone go around and introduce themselves — sharing their name, where they live in the Nashville area, and telling us one interesting thing about themselves.
The Questions
After everyone introduced themselves, I had a list of 8 questions that I put together and we broke into groups of two and talked about one of the questions for 5 minutes and then moved on to a different person/different question.
Here are the details of this from my notes (for those who like specifics! And yes, I had very specific notes for the evening — because that’s how I roll!)
7:50 p.m. — In an effort to help us all go deeper in relationships tonight and start being a little more authentic and vulnerable, we're going to do a fun exercise — I have a few questions that I am going to have each of you answer… however, instead of having you share with the entire group — because I know that can be scary and intimidating, I'm going to have you turn the to person next to you and answer the question.
I'll give you a few minutes and I want to encourage you to ask followup questions, if you have time. Ask why, dig deeper, encourage the person next to you to share as much as you feel like they are comfortable sharing. Don't be afraid to step a little out of your comfort zone in the questions that you ask.
Remember: This is a safe place. And the more you are willing to share authentically, the more opportunity there is to develop relationships. And great questions are the way to open doors to stronger relationships.
Question #1: Where did you live in grade school and what was your house like? (I went first and demonstrated how I could answer this question. I did this with the first few questions so that women had a little bit of time to think of their answers!)
Trade places with people
Question #2: What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Trade places with people
Question #3: What is one of the wildest things you've done as an adult?
Trade places with people
Question #4: What is your greatest fear?
Trade places with people
Question #5: What was one of the happiest moments of your life?
Trade places with people
Question #6: What is one of the biggest obstacles you've had to overcome in your life?
Trade places with people
Question #7: When was the last time you cried and why?
Trade places with people
Question #8: What are you celebrating right now?
We ended up going over the 5-minute mark for most of the question/answer time (I love that I had trouble getting the women to stop talking!), so we only got through 7 of the questions before it was past 9 p.m. and I wanted to make sure to respect everyone’s time. It was a great way to go deep in relationships pretty quickly and to get to know a number of women in the room in a short span of time.
A big thank you to my friend, Melissa, for all her help with pulling last night off and being my extroverted sidekick! And thank you so much to Jen for inspiring me to stop waiting to be invited and to start being the initiator!
I had no idea how much I was going to fall in love with this hospitality thing! I'm already looking forward to planning another night soon!
Tshanina Peterson attended the event and made a video sharing about how it impacted her life and she gave me permission to share it here in hopes that it would challenge some of you to step outside your comfort zone and stretch yourself, too!
It's amazing what happens when you just open the door! Who can you reach out to today?
